The first year of my PhD into the second year were really, really socially isolating times. I don’t think I had ever in my entire life, until I got to that point, truly felt so socially isolated and so alone. I remember I finally broke down in tears to my now husband about it because I just didn’t know what to do.
I think I spent more time alone in those two years than I have really in my entire life, and that was really difficult for me. It’s hard to admit that you’re lonely and you want support and to ask for it. It’s even harder when there’s no one around you to ask for that support.
What I learned during that time – and what I’ve carried forward into everything I do now – is that community isn’t just nice to have. It’s absolutely essential for achieving any meaningful goal, especially in fitness.
Entrepreneurship is hard, and it can be a really isolating place. I think all of our best ideas don’t bloom right away – you have to keep tending to them and improving them, and eventually they shine through. But the sooner you can surround yourself with people who are going through the same thing or have gone through the same thing – whether that’s mentors, friends, coaches, or peer support – the sooner you will realize that you’re not the only one who has ever tried to do this.
The same is true for fitness goals. Whether you’re training for your first 5K, working toward a strength PR, or tackling a major lifestyle change, the journey can feel incredibly lonely when you’re doing it by yourself.
Other people will only ever make you better if you find the right people. Loneliness is always going to be there if you don’t do something about it – if you don’t turn to people and give them an opportunity to help you and share what you’re going through.
People aren’t going to know you need help if you don’t tell them. You can’t expect people to be psychic and just figure out on their own that you’re having a hard time reaching your goals or staying motivated. And here’s what I wish more people understood: more people will relate to your issues than you think.
I wish more people understood that others will be able to understand your struggles even if they haven’t been through that exact same thing. There are so many people out there who are willing to help, who want to help, and who have knowledge and guidance that can help you with your challenges.
I wish more people would turn to get help sooner so they don’t have to struggle with that loneliness, because it’s an illusion that can be quickly dispelled if you just open up and talk to people.
For me, when I spend more time alone in my own head, working alone, I’m less motivated to go out to my gym and train and work hard. But when I talk to my training partners about our goals or what we’re doing, I’m so often reminded of why I do this – and that we’re all doing this together, even if we’re not together in person. It helps encourage me to always keep going after those things.
When I was finishing my PhD, I trained in-person with training partners three times a week. I didn’t need a coach, I didn’t need someone to program for me, but I needed that support. I needed that community. I don’t think I would have shown up for my goals or to the gym without that support, and I really don’t know if I could have finished graduate school in some sort of stable condition if I didn’t have that community.
Community is an inexhaustible source of motivation. If you have a fitness goal, I can guarantee you that unless it’s your first day setting that goal, you’re going to have doubts about it. There are going to be times when you don’t want to do it.
Knowing that in that moment you have other people who are either waiting on you, counting on you, keeping track of you, or keeping tabs on you – knowing that there’s anybody else out there rooting for you – is so useful to help keep you on track. From a motivation standpoint alone, community is huge.
But beyond that, fitness is more fun together. You’re going to push yourself harder when you’re doing things with someone else. You’re going to show up for your friend sometimes more often than you’re going to show up for yourself. You’re going to have people in your corner who will help you show up on the days when you don’t want to do it.
I think fitness is built on the backbone of community. If anyone grew up playing a sport, has stepped foot into a gym, has done a group fitness class, or has friends in running clubs – all these things – people are constantly seeking out ways to identify with a group of people who also identify with the things they love to do, want to do, or are working towards.
It is so much more motivating, rewarding, exciting, and validating to work alongside people in the things you’re working toward. Community makes fitness better and easier for all of us to actually succeed, knowing that there are people there who will pick you up (metaphorically or literally) on the days when you’re not able to be your best self and remind you of what you’re working towards.
This understanding of community’s power is exactly why I built The Lyss Method the way I did. I started out building challenges and ways to motivate people to not be shy and not be afraid to reach out and say, “Hey, do you experience this too? Am I the only one?” or “Hey, I did this thing” – and not feeling like they got crickets when they shared.
I wanted them to always know that when you post in the TLM app, somebody’s going to come in and support you, answer you – they want to help you, they want you to succeed. It’s not just the coaches who want you to achieve all your goals; it’s the thousands of other clients who are going after the same thing and want each other to win.
One of our coaches shared something that perfectly captures this: “I’m usually one of the first coaches to answer questions in our group chats, but the number of times I’ll be away from my computer for an hour and see a really interesting question, and before I can get to it, there are four, five, six, seven, sometimes a dozen answers already from other TLM community members who’ve also gone through that.”
It’s remarkable to see people phrase questions thinking their situation is so unique and rare, that they’re in a position nobody could overcome, and suddenly they get five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten answers almost immediately. People say, “Hey, I had that same thing, here’s how I dealt with it,” or “I asked that question three weeks ago and here’s the answer,” or “Here’s a YouTube video where this was addressed four months ago.”
Not only do people get supported, but they also implicitly find out they’re not the only one going through this. And all these other people genuinely care – there’s no reward for answering frequently, no bonus points for responding, yet people do it because they genuinely care.
For me, belonging is knowing that at any moment in time, I have people I can text or call and say, “Hey, I just thought of you,” “Hey, do you remember the time we did this?” “Hey, I need help with this, do you have a moment?” I’m surrounded by people who don’t hesitate to help me or cheer me on or care – not because it benefits them, but because they want to be there for me, and vice versa.
I want to be a good friend, coach, and leader because I care about people and want to give that to them. I want people to always feel like they’re part of something bigger than just themselves and that they’re not alone in what they’re going through.
Community, belonging, friendship, and support aren’t one-way streets. It’s about knowing you have people around you who can be what you need when you need it, but you’re also always willing and eager to be that back for those people as well.
When you’re in those early stages of working toward any big goal, it’s really easy to feel like the loneliness will never end. It’s like a never-ending black cave where you forgot your flashlight, and you’re just trying to find a single crack of light. You keep going and going and going.
The little fragment I always kept true to myself is that if I just keep pushing and doing and grinding and chipping away and working toward that thing, eventually I will crack through the rock or get through the cave and find that crack of light. It gets better.
But it’s so easy when you’re in that darkness to think it will never get better. I always remind people: if you quit or stop or don’t keep going after it, then yeah, you might not make it through. But if you keep going toward that thing AND along the way don’t be too proud or too big or too scared to say, “Hey, I need help, I need support, I need somebody in my corner who believes in me because I can’t 100% believe in myself all the time” – that’s when breakthrough happens.
If you’re reading this and feeling like you’re going it alone in your fitness journey, know that you don’t have to. Community might look different for everyone – it could be:
• A training partner who meets you at the gym
• An online community of people working toward similar goals
• A running club or group fitness class
• A coach or mentor who understands your journey
• Friends and family who support your goals
The key is finding people who understand what you’re working toward and want to see you succeed.
In The Lyss Method, we’ve created exactly this kind of supportive community. Our members don’t just get access to programming – they get access to thousands of other people who are chasing similar goals, coaches who genuinely care about their success, and a culture where asking for help is celebrated, not judged.
We know that you’re craving that connection and support. That means so much to all of us, and we wanted to create a really special place that people knew they could always turn to when they’re chasing after hard things. Because it’s so much easier to go after hard things when you have people in your corner.
Your fitness journey doesn’t have to be a solo mission. In fact, it shouldn’t be. The strongest, most resilient people I know are those who’ve learned to lean on others, who’ve built communities around their goals, and who understand that asking for help isn’t weakness – it’s wisdom.
Whether you’re just starting out or you’ve been at this for years, there’s always room to deepen your connections and strengthen your support system. Your goals are worth fighting for, and you don’t have to fight alone.
Find your people. Build your community. And watch how much stronger, more motivated, and more resilient you become when you’re surrounded by others who believe in what you’re working toward.
Because at the end of the day, the best part about achieving your goals isn’t just crossing the finish line – it’s having people there to celebrate with you when you do.
I’m Exercise Physiologist, sports nutritionist, weight lifter, and ultra runner. I am here to bring science to your training in a no-nonsense way. I have helped thousands of women crush big lifting goals, cross race finish lines, and even do both. I’m here to help you do the same!
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